Tableau Vivante

There are echelons in the geek matrix that pick you up and plant you firmly into certain categories. I kind of look at it like the rings of hell – not the geekiness itself, but the varying stages of cred forced upon you by geeks and non-geeks alike. Lemme ‘splain.

Blogging, while more and more mainstream, is one level of geek. A geek subcategory of that is the specialty blogger, like, for example, a coder’s blog, a political blog, or, say, a food blog. Ahem.

Then there are the non-computer related interests or talents that come into play. A membership in The Planetary Society comes to mind. (check) Maybe you’re a bizarrely talented Jenga master. (check) Or maybe you sew your own vaguely historical costumes and walk around ‘faires’ uttering the occasional “huzzah!”, “God save the queen!”, and “Gramercy.”

Yes. Check and check again. I am one of those people, though I’ll admit a very mild-mannered and generally jovial variety not prone to costume critique, historical accuracy, or even a passing English accent (I wouldn’t even try). I do it entirely for fun and theater. I do it as an excuse to dress up and be not-me for a spell. And more specifically, I do it for the food.

There is a difference between fair food and faire food. Fair food, in my experience, is (very generally) anything you can put onto a stick and fry. Faire food is some of that, yes. But it’s also period-esque (and very very esque at that) and sometimes not very finger-friendly. The turkey leg comes to mind. It’s the standard faire food item that intrigues but often disappoints. But oh the variety.

I covered faire food a little last year. This year I tried a few new-to-me items and things that weren’t previously covered. I also tried some of last year’s favorites to see if they’ve held up. In all cases, one universal truth must be understood. Fair/Faire food is generally pricey. This truth governs my first rule of eating out at the faire: Do not get anything you can easily make at home or that you would regularly get anywhere outside the faire (unless you are the type of food geek who specializes in critiquing a specific type of food, like tacos, ice cream, or pizza). Dollars, time, and stomach space are limited. This rule easily eliminated about half of the food vendors for me, though I was sorely tempted by not-a-few plates of fish and chips that wandered by. Que drool worthy. Though it helps to be in the company of folk who don’t mind sharing – the portions certainly to encourage it.

These are the kind of quality tips that a geek in this particular ring of hell - the foodie blogger renfaire astronomy Jenga ring - should be expected to provide.

Second only to the turkey leg and Steak on a Stake, the humble Toad-in-a-Hole is one of the more iconic fare food items and has the added bonus of being a walk-and-eat treat. I’ve had really bad TiaHs – greasy, gummy things with barely cooked sausage in the middle. Ugh. The memories have been enough to give me second thoughts about trying my luck again. This, though, was probably the best one I’ve ever had. The 2008 TiaH has a ridiculously flakey crust, baked to near perfection, surrounding a hearty, fennel seed-studded sausage center. The napkin barely protected my hand from the buttery outsides, but it was gone too quickly to be a threat to the skirt.

My sister headed straight for the ribbon fries. They make these to order at the faire and as we arrived in the food court shortly after the gates opened, she wanted to take advantage of the very short lines. These rarely disappoint and this year was no different. Crispy potato goodness. There was a stage near the vendors so we wandered over to watch the nymph lady do her ring acrobatics. Hey lady! What should we have next?

She’s pointing to the curly fries. Who are we to argue with the acrobatic renaissance toe?

On their own, these curly fries were pretty standard. But pair them up with the hollandaise sauce from an order of fried ‘heartichokes’?

And they became pretty freaking great. The heartichokes were painfully hot (again, made to order) but very pleasing. The artichoke heart was surrounded by a creamy goat cheese, which was then battered up and fried. Once you got past the injury-inducing steam that issued forth on the first bite, they were packed with flavor. Made me wish for a glass of wine.

I ended up settling for a mango lassi. (Ok, two friends have mentioned the set of twins via IM. Totally not the focus of this shot. Look! Big yellow sign! MANGO LASSI! Oh, forget it…)

I laughed a little ordering this. The woman taking my order had no idea what it was or that her stand actually advertised selling it. So she yelled to the back, “Oi! Mi’lady wants a mango hound that goes looking for lost children! We got that?” It was nice, though I think if I were to order it again it would be with less ice.

This was my quail plate. I get it more for the wild rice and spinach. The meat is usually pretty secondary. They also have duck and a nice roasted piece of chicken to go with this. I opted for the quail this year. Some people would bemoan the lack of meat, but the serving was actually perfect for me. Roasted with thyme. Very tasty. But what to do for dessert?

I had actually had my dessert earlier in the day – a giant root beer float. But my companion, A, wanted to try the rice pudding. I make it pretty regularly at home so I wasn’t terribly interested, but it did have a lovely curranty sauce over top. Rice pudding folk would love the thickness of this, but might whine about the lack of sweetness. I found it to be very ricey, but it blended well with the sauce. Any sweeter and it would have clashed with the mild berry sweetness the sauce provided. Pleasant, but nothing to write home about.

The Southern California Renaissance Pleasure Faire (gods, what a mouthful that is) runs every weekend from now until May 18th at the Santa Fe Dam Recreation Area in Irwindale. Gates open at 10AM, but go early for a quick bit of pre-opening theater and music. Wear good walking shoes and sunscreen. We got lucky with a really overcast day. This weekend the valley is supposed to hit 90, and the dam? She gets hot. There’s also lots of hay and dust, so allergy sufferers, be forewarned and load up on the Claritin.

Also? A short, non-food note - say goodbye to the Bold and Stupid Men for me. They announced that they were retiring after this faire, and lo, I was saddened. If you haven’t seen them before, I suggest getting while the getting’s good. And tip them well! Also, Bolt Upright got married last year (huzzah!) so wish him well.